In the last post I talked about when you get invited somewhere, GO. Now, I want to talk about something you MUST DO once you get there. You must find someone you don’t know. We all have people around us that we don’t know. Maybe we know OF them, but we don’t KNOW them. Let’s get to know someone…
What’s the result of saying yes to an invite and ending up somewhere you don’t normally go? You end up being around someone (or multiple someones) you may not know. You may be in a place you don’t know, a city you don’t know, but most importantly, you’re probably around PEOPLE you don’t know.
Some of us grew up with parents that taught us to greet some one properly, look them in the eye, shake their hand firmly, and state your name. Others of us grew up with play dates being made and you just showed up wherever your mom dragged you long…your world was created for you without your participation. But for a lot of us, maybe even most of us, we grew up having to boot strap our friendships and meet people on our own. If we didn’t have friends, it was our fault. If we didn’t have connections, it’s because we didn’t make them. Our lives boiled down to our ability to connect with others.
Studies show that most people stop making meaningful friendships by age 25. I know dating certainly gets harder after 25. But that same study also showed that people begin losing friends at 25. There’s something about getting comfortable in our relationships that causes us to stop building them and actually begin losing them. We stop building relationships because we think we have enough of them. But at the same time, we start losing friendships because we get apathetic with them. We don’t check in on people, we don’t make the first move when we haven’t heard from someone, and sometimes we forget that phones go both ways. We see friendships as shallow and because of that, we don’t value making new ones. But, we all have room in our lives for meaningful friendships and authentic networking.
In networking, it’s important that we find the person we don’t know. When you get invited to go somewhere, go and find the person you don’t know.
Is there someone sitting alone that you can connect with? Probably.
Is there someone with deer in the headlights look that you can commiserate with? Most likely.
Even if you don’t want to be there and you’re only there because I told you to go, remember, misery loves company. There’s someone else that feels forced into this situation that feels the same way you do. Possibly, even maybe, that is the very person you are supposed to network with. There is someone for everyone at every event. A friend of mine always said, every pot has a lid. Go to a networking opportunity and find your lid.
Never decide your effectiveness of networking based on your knowledge of the event or the people in the room. Some of the greatest networking opportunities I’ve had were from attending an event that I had no idea what it was about or why I was even there. It’s almost like a surprise party. At a surprise party that was thrown for you, you didn’t know you would be seeing all those people that night, but now that you’re there with them, there’s a great opportunity to catch up. Much like the surprise party, you could find yourself at an event that you didn’t necessarily want to be at or even know much about. That’s ok, but it should never set the tone of how effective you think the networking opportunities will be.
Looking for someone you don’t know and finding someone to connect with can happen no matter the size of the room. If it’s 5 people or 500, we can always find someone to network with. If it’s a smaller number, know in your mind that there is no rush, network and connect for an extended period of time. There’s no rush, they’re only a few people in the room! If you end a conversation prematurely with them, you may be forced to talk with them gain later. If it’s 500, you may want to keep conversations more brief. There’s others to talk to and more connections to make!
For some of us, when there’s more people, we’re like a kid in a candy store. We just don’t know where to go next! But not matter if you’re an introvert or an extrovert, we can all make meaningful connections and network effectively.
So next time you’re invited somewhere, GO, and find someone you don’t know. Network authentically and add value to people.
David Urzi 